well I can't set my house on fire every night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
