If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
