Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The power of my boobs compel you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
