I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
birth control should be required to get into college
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
