I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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