I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
