Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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