quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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