i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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