you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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