She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
