Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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