so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
