She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
