i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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