dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
