There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
