I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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