I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
