What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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