apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
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