Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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