just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
