I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
