New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my being single is dangerous.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
