I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
