Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
