I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
