Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
