i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
