Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
