i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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