I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
