I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
