I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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