I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
