Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
