Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
