Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
