toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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