New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
