Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
