That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
