Can Purell be used as lube?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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