And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
