He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
