i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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