I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
