i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
