the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Randomize
